I wish that I had a little book filled with all the things ( encouragement) that people like yourself have said to me over the past 9 months. From the simple, “are you okay?” to the many spoken prayers over my life. It would be great to actually see them written down so I could re-read them on the days that are still tuff. Your love and kindness will be etched in my heart forever. I never knew just how much LOVE others could actually pour out until I was so hurt and broken that I could hardly breathe.
I realize now that the last 9 months has been a fog. I”ve been out and about, I’ve been staying busy, but I’ve literally been in a fog. Most days I’ve been screaming on the inside while smiling on the outside. . Sounds crazy doesn’t it. IT WAS, IT IS…..
I now know so much more about grief than I ever knew before. I know why my mother responded the way she did at 36 when my birth father died, I know now why a friend of mine became so depressed she had to be hospitalized, I know now how your heart can be so broken that you can truly feel the crack and you feel it is totally unrepairable. I’ve learned that your age bears a lot of weight on HOW you grieve. Grief is a MONSTER this I know, because my life has told me so. BUT…. I ALSO KNOW that the verses that say “I will never leave you or forsake you” are PROFOUND.
In recent days those have been the ONLY words that I could hear. The only words that I wanted to hear.
This past week, not sure what day it was, I began to wonder what it would feel like to actually look to the future, something I’ve not been able to do since Dennis died. I had a visual of myself standing there looking down at what could have been the starting line for a race. Then came this soft voice saying, “Kathy, can you move forward?” ” Kathy, just one day at a time.” ” Kathy, just trust me “. Then I heard those scriptural words again but they seemed SO much more personal. HE SAID….. “Kathy, I will never leave YOU or forsake YOU “.
He has promised me that. He has promised YOU that. No matter how sad we are, how lonely we are, how we feel or what we think the future does or does not look like, that’s HIS promise. There are many reminders of this promise throughout His word.
David says in Psalm 143: 6 ” I spread out my hands to You; My soul longs for You like a thirsty land.”
How about you? Are YOU THIRSTY? Do you have a need? Are you seeking encouragement? Does your soul long for HIM?”
Spread out your hands…… He is waiting.. WHY? Because He never leaves us or forsakes us.