I was blessed to get to keep my grand girls New Years Eve night. We had our own little “ring in the New Year” party. I bought party hats, blow whistles, poppers and of course sparklers. They loved it. As the smoke rose up from the sparklers I was reminded of the fear I’ve had of firecrackers all these years. Childhood accident fixed that for me.
My Kids came to pick up the girls, we ate lunch and spent some time around the table. It was all great until they began to back out of the driveway. I had to walk away because my heart was breaking. I looked over at my big ole house and watched them pull out of the drive and tears began to roll down my face. At that instant I felt all alone…. So very alone. I was taken back to that very day last year January 1, 2015. It was a day, the first day that I was able to literally cry out to GOD for help. It was the first time I had been able to speak to HIM personally, pray to HIM privately, since Dennis had died. I remember laying in my bed alone crying out to HIM in such a way that I was literally hollering at HIM. I remember everything getting quiet and I”m not sure how long I actually laid there but I remember HIM rushing in and bringing peace to my heart. I remember feeling the Holy Spirit literally breathe on me. It was a moment I’ll never forget… The last couple of days have been tuff. I’d like to say that my days are all easy now and that I’m moving on, but truth is Grief, losing the love of your life, is quiet the adventure. It changes everything about your life and most everything about you. I’ve been pondering over life these last couple of days and as most have been posting their New Years resolutions I have been asking GOD to simply show me my next step.
Today as I stood in church and worshipped GOD I began to release that hurt and pain to HIM. With each word of the song we were singing I could feel myself getting closer and closer to HIM. It was as if it was just ME and GOD. Not another soul in the church. The last couple of days I would compare myself ( or my emotions rather) to a ship that is being hit from every side with crashing waves and wind, being tossed to and fro out of control. I have felt helpless. I’ve felt like a ship that is lost and off course…..
BUT ( as the music played) as the storm began to subside, I could see through the darkness and the fog, a light.( My heart began to beat alittle faster) It started out as a small glimmer (the voices were soft) then it began to get alittle brighter( the voices were getting louder, I was singing louder, I was crying out louder) and I began to feel HOPE again. I found myself alittle more settled,( from my mouth came devotion for Him) alittle more safe. I quickly realized it was the light coming from the lighthouse. ( I worship you Lord for WHO you are ) The (lighthouse) one that is always there waiting for me to return home. Standing strong, shining bright waiting for my return…….I felt removed from the present state and transformed to a safe place with HIM. I saw HIM today as the lighthouse in the storm.
Matthew 8:23-26 Then he got into the boat and his disciples followed him. Without warning, a furious storm came up on the lake, so that the waves swept over the boat. But Jesus was sleeping. The disciples went and woke him, saying, “Lord, save us! We’re going to drown!” He replied, “you of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “what kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”
ME: He is the LIGHTHOUSE…..