Pull up close
First, let me say thanks for stopping by and for wanting to know more about me. The feeling is like-wise.
My Chair -Logo represents three things.
1. There is always a place for you to snuggle up with me.
2. It’s a representation of my “wild side”. ( insert Laughter)
3. The “Queenie” crown is for the nickname my husband gave me many years ago.
Here are some things I love:
- Leopard Print
- Craft Supplies
- Pretty Stationery
- Fine Bath Soaps & Salts
- My Yoga Mat
- Kitchen Tools
- Pure Cotton Kitchen Towels
- Rubber Boots For Rainy Days
- Music That Makes Me Dance
- My Camera
I use all these things in a multitude of ways.
Ways you’ll see and read about in the days, weeks and months ahead.
This blog has been in the works for some time but God’s timing is always better than mine. It’s a place where I will share my passions, hopes, dreams and my failures.
It’s funny how life can change in the blink of an eye.
Life changes . . .
Over the past several years I have met many challenges. I’ve had the privilege of caring for my parents and I also experienced the anguish of losing them. I lost my sweet sister to cancer four years ago and in December of 2014 – I lost the love of my life, my sweet husband, Dennis. Being with him was the best 23 years of my life.
I’ve never felt this kind of emotional pain, not ever. I won’t go into all the details of my grief right here but it has been the hardest journey of my life and being transparent about it is even scarier. Dennis truly was my Knight in Shining Armor, my safe place, and my one true love.
My grandmother taught me years ago that the simplest pleasures in life make the fondest memories. In losing Dennis that has proven true. I’ve found that it was the very simple things that Dennis and I experienced together that have become the things I treasure most.
His unexpected death has changed me.
I will be forever broken but brave, hurt but hopeful, and sometimes fearful but faithful.
Losing Dennis has brought me back to my love for wellness and writing. The ultimate goal for each of us should be to live WELL from the inside out. I hope as I share parts of my personal grief journey that you will find hope from my lessons of loss and learn to truly love and live life thru the plan that God has for you.
The first word of advice I would give you right this moment is to know that GOD has created us to thrive, not just survive. I hope that as you hang out with me you will find encouragement and inspiration for your life.
A Little Preparation….
I believe that hindsight truly is 20/20. I can look back and see where God has been preparing me for such a time as this. I continue to learn that I don’t need to keep looking for the perfect life, but just keep whole heartedly seeking the perfect God.
Over the past several years I stopped making New Years resolutions. I found that I couldn’t keep them. I normally start in July praying for a word from God, a word to apply to my life for the next year. It may sound odd but it has held true. If you’ve never tried it I challenge you to.
In 2014 God had given me the word simplify. I thought, “Now God that is such a crazy word for me.” My life was anything but simple.” I was bouncing many balls at that time being a full-time wedding photographer, still caring for my step-dad, serving at my church and spending as much time as I could with grandchildren.. A set of twins at that… Little did I know just how simple life would become.
In February of 2014 I had a retinal detachment. After an emergency surgery and the two others that followed, I realized that my days as a wedding photographer were coming to a close. I was heart broken.
What was I to do??
I have worked in some form or fashion since I was fifteen. It started out as an after school thing then years later I found myself raising my son alone and I soon became a workaholic.
Moving forward through the years, working at that pace became a stumbling block for me. I became very self sufficient and I pushed myself to the point of exhaustion in fear of ever being in a helpless financial situation again.
For me to be solely financially dependent on another human being was a new experience for me, one that unnerved me. Yes my husband and I shared expenses and we combined our incomes, but I always knew I was contributing and making money on my own.
Dennis welcomed the idea of me being at home. He always really wanted me to be a housewife. Just as I was getting use to my new situation the bottom falls out. Dennis dies. In that moment my body went rigid, my mind began to spin and I was screaming from my inner core, “SOMEONE please wake me up and tell me this is a dream.” ” Someone please make the madness STOP.” In that instant, I can’t ever remember feeling that alone and scared.
They say when God closes a door he opens a window and he has. BUT don’t say that to people when they lose someone. HONESTLY…. those cliche’s were like a burr in my saddle. Not being able to work has made way for a lot of personal growth through time. I’ve been able to teach yoga, lead a couple of women’s bible studies, spend time ministering to people and to start writing again. Writing is actually something I’ve loved since I was a little girl.
GOD SHOWS UP BIG…..
In my despair over losing my husband I struggled for several weeks with praying and talking to God. I wasn’t mad at God but I found myself paralyzed and simply trying to breathe. One Sunday afternoon after going to church I found myself in my big ole quiet house. Truthfully I felt pretty hopeless. I remember making my way to my bed and climbing in. I gather up Dennis pillow and buried my head in it and began to sob. I began to cry out to GOD. It was a “marker” in my life. I knew I wasn’t going to make it, move forward, heal without HIM. I won’t go into all the details of that moment because they are very personal but lets just say, “God showed up BIG TIME.”
At that moment I saw myself standing on the edge of a cliff. I was looking into a pit, an abyss if you would. I remember it looked deep, dark and wide and at that moment I had the thought of diving off that cliff. I’m sure there has been a time in your life when you might have felt that same way.
Standing there feeling helpless and hopeless I knew I had a choice to make.
Almost immediately this still soft voice said, “So My Dear you think you might jump? You think you might fall? I remember there was a pause. Then the voice said, “But My Dear, what if you could fly?” There is was my word for the year….. “FLY”. Sometimes we build wings on the way down and God rushes in and teaches us to fly. It was the first time in almost 6 weeks I felt a glimpse of HOPE. Fly has remained my word for 2016 as well. I wear a “giving key” around my neck most days with the word “FLY” engraved on it. I know that one day soon God is going to allow someone to come into my life who needs it more than me. I can’t wait for that day.
Isaiah 40:31 is one of my favorite bible verses. “But those who wait on the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles, they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.”
YOU ARE SPECIAL…
I want you to know that God has a purpose for your life and that there is nothing too big for God. I’m still claiming “FLY” for myself and I’d love to help you find a word for what your facing right now.
I hope that you will join me as I encourage you to create more in your life by becoming your happiest, healthiest, authentic YOU.
Come Back Often… XO XO XO