Affirmations

Side kick, side ways, side winder, side note, side angle…… Many ways to talk about the SIDE. I found this little jewel late yesterday in some old photo files and my heart jumped and the Grief Wave came rushing in. You would think they would get easier and truth is they do become further apart, but this one was really TUFF. Brought me back to that very day. WE were at the beach, loving life, spending time with our kids and making memories. Those were the good ole days. Isn’t that what we say sometimes when we look back on the things that really matter. What might that be for you? Have you got some good ole days to reflect back on? I sure hope so….. I hope with each day you are making those kinds of memories.
You can tell from this picture that my sweetie had no idea I was taking this. We were actually standing up under the open air cabana at the condo. You can walk up from the beach and order you a burger and then sit against this railing and climb up on a bar stool and eat. STILL watching and listening to the ocean. Of course He had on his faithful boston hat. The one he loved and wore a lot. I still have it hanging on the back of his bathroom door. A little reminder of the person who wore it and wore it well.
Since having my retinal detachment it’s tuff sometimes to see from the side view. Hard to know sometimes when folks are beside me or approaching me from the side. But one thing I always knew ( retinal detachment or not) Dennis was always by my side. That was one of the things that tugged at my heart in seeing this picture, was knowing he is no longer there. Seems looking back I really realize just how often HE took that position. Protecting me, watching me and guiding us through life. I think I have mentioned this before, but we didn’t usually seat together in church cause I’m a front row kind of girl and he wasn’t, BUT one thing for sure… I could always look over my left shoulder to my side at any time during the service and there He would be smiling and winking back.
God is continuing to walk with me day by day through this journey. He is also by my side. Protecting me, watching me and guiding me through life. He is also winking back and saying, “you’ve got this”. SO MANY DAYS… I’m not sure, SO MANY DAYS… I wonder IF i’m going to make it but then i’ll get into GOD’s word and I am reminded that I can do “all things” , I’m reminded that LIFE is never the way we plan it all out. That HIS plan is greater than ours. I know that HE LOVES me more and more even when I don’t understand. I hope today HE IS your side view, your side winder, your side kick….
As I sit and look at this SIDE VIEW sweet husband, know that I miss you again already……

Someone wrote to me about a week ago and said, “If you are ever interested in being a “Ms Clara” to someone I will be available. ”  I hate to admit I had no idea what this young lady was talking about. “Who is Ms. Clara”, I thought, so I had to write her back and ask. She responded with, “Oh so you’ve not seen War Room?”  NOPE.  The truth is I bought the movie the day it hit the shelf for sell to the public, but for some reason didn’t watch it right then. I keep saying, “I think I’ll ask so n so over to watch it with me,” then I found out a few days later that we were going to be showing it at our church. ( which we did yesterday)  YES I waited.

WOW….. The Movie hit me from so many directions. Starting from the Loss of Clara’s husband to the pieces of paper on the closet wall, to the magnitude  of making a child feel loved and good about themselves, and the biggest thing was the confirmation of just how Great and Mighty God really is.  The greatest scene in the entire movie to me was the last scene when Ms. Clara was in her closet PRAISING GOD for HIS marvelous works and shouting his GOODNESS and GRACE.  I might have been sitting still in the sanctuary but I can tell you I was jumping and shouting on the inside. Truth is I was dancing all across the room with a bunch of amen’s in my spirit.

( side note)   one time years ago I ask Dennis if he wanted to move from Newton and move back to Jackson  where our kids were. He didn’t even hesitate to answer “NO”.  I was alittle surprised that He didn’t even think about it and you know how us women are, we can’t just take NO for an answer, we have to dig alittle deeper.  I said, why not. He then said, “look I didn’t want to come here in the first place I was just trying to make you happy.” I was so stunned, I said, “baby, you didn’t ever say that, infact you never said a word.” he replied, “nope, but I was jumping and shouting on the inside”.  That took me by surprise that day.  As you know however, he fell in love with NEWTON and always said, “this place is truly home.”

After the movie ended I sorta sat there pondering for a second over that little text I had gotten and on my ride home last night I pondered again over that little text I had gotten and as I got into the bed last night I pondered over that little text and truth is, I was pondering over it as I got up this morning.  Could I be someone’s Ms Clara.  I want to be, I would love to be but could I be?  Ms Clara was full of wisdom, she had walked the walk and talked the talk and allowed GOD to bring her through. She made a statement in the movie to some affect like, “Listen to me I didn’t use to be this way.”  That shook me to my core. She wanted her new friend to know that her stance now came from some choices, some hard roads, some lessons. FOR sure life’s obstacles, life’s hurts, life’s surprises and disappointments change us. WHEN they do, we have a choice to fight it or we can allow GOD to put the FIGHT INSIDE US to get through it with HIM.

For me … this movie has caused me to ask myself a few things. I’m gonna list a few:

• Were you the best wife you could have been to Dennis?
• Are you that person that someone thinks of when they need prayer?
• Have the things that God has brought me through been a testimony to Him?
• Do you give God enough time everyday?
• Do you have time for those who are hurting?

It was as if the spirit said to me this morning, “Kathy, check yourself.”  The truth is you can’t sit around and wonder if you’ve done enough. Should ya, would ya, could ya?  It doesn’t really matter . It’s usually too late once your thinking that.  I hope that if you don’t have a WAR ROOM you will find one. I hope that if you aren’t a Ms Clara to someone now …. you will be. I hope those things for myself as well.

Titus 2: 4&5 says this.  ” these older women must train the younger women to love their husband and their children. To live wisely and be pure, to work in their homes, to do good, and to be submissive to their husbands, Then they will not bring shame on the word of GOD.”   There are a lot of lessons there. I know that some of you right now are rebuking the words “work in the home” and “submissive”.  those words mean so much more than just the words written here. That’s another post for another time. ha

May your hearts be filled with HOPE today so that you can face anything that comes your way with WORDS and PRAYERS that overcome.   “Ms Clara,  thanks for the lesson.”

“I will huff and puff and blow your house down.” For most of us those are familiar words in an old children’s story. The Three Little Pigs. I remember hearing that story told over and over as a young child.
When Dennis and I began the process of actually moving back to Newton one of the things we started with was finding a home. We drove over several weekends and looked and looked and we kept coming back to this place. I have to admit he thought I was crazy. It was rundown, needed painting, & needed repair. It had been sitting vacant for sometime and not been given any love in some time but I was IN LOVE WITH IT. I quickly remembered being a part of girl scouts in the house next door and I thought I remembered something about it once being the Baptist Parsonage. ( found that to be true later) I remember the day we came over and met Todd to take a look inside. Oh that was a treat. I had bugged the dog out of him. Rent to own was the deal we were wanting. The kitchen cabinets were a horrible shade of baby poop green, there were walls with color crayons marks on them, the beautiful hard wood floors were not so beautiful anymore and there was no heat or air to speak of. I wish I could describe the look on Dennis face. To get to the front door you had to jump over about a 3 foot gapping hole and you couldn’t hardly even see the house for the holly bushes that were grown up around it. Sorting hiding all it’s splendor, Or at least that’s what I saw.
WELL after much conversation ( and persuasion ) we decided to buy the home. We began the process of getting it livable and we packed our big ole u-haul and headed this way. Many things have gone on in this house. WE raised our two sons, we got pregnant and lost a baby, we had many wonderful holidays , we planted a garden in the back yard ( it’s gone) and we turned our driveway into a basketball court for the boys at one time. It took us years to get this ole house back to life. Restoring it has been fun. Most of the time I would wait until Dennis left to go back off shore and then start a project. He would call home and I’d tell him about it and he would say, “WELL, I sure hope I like it.” The good news is , He always did. OR he pretended to anyway. ha To restore an old home like this takes both time and money. Truth was it took us until 7 weeks before he died to finish the last project. Hindsight is 20/20.
I found out later that Mr. Malcolm Phillips and Mr. Dan Miley had both been married in the living room of my home. I thought that to be pretty cool. Lots of history. Through the years the kids left starting their own lives and we remained. WE had lots of room to run around. I use to ask Dennis, “baby why don’t we sell this big ole house, we really don’t need all this room”. His answer never changed through the years, “Nope, It’s HOME”. The first year we lived here I put up 5 Christmas Trees. How cool is that. When I decided to strip the floors we did so while we were gone to my Son’s graduation from Marine boot camp. We moved all our furniture and personal belongings to one side of the house, hung plastic and I gave some contractor I hardly knew a key and off we went. Who does that??? So glad my honey liked the floors. He wanted them to be stained back dark and of course I had them white washed. ha ha
Having a house this size allows me to have ladies get togethers, dinners, host bridge club, bible studies and much more. I’m a firm believer this house has healing powers…. “What?” you might say. “Did she really say that.” I DID. I don’t mean that in a creepy way but in a wholesome good way. There has been so many hearts mended in this house, conversations of HOPE through the years and depression removed from my life years ago, relationships grown and I could go on and on. I know since Dennis has died this ole house has wrapped it arms around me many times. Held me close and kept me warm at night. I’ve had many ask me “are you going to stay in Newton, that house is so big for one person.” YES AND YES…. ha
I had a ladies get together here last Friday night and as the last person left and I shut the door I said, “thank you Lord for this ole house.” Please show me how I can continue to use it to honor you. My prayer is that NO THING will form against my ole house ( my inner house) and try to huff and puff and blow me down. What do you build your house on? Our main house is the one that lives within us. Our foundation is crucial in all things.
He is the only way to get through hard times, misunderstood times, feeling unloved times, not fitting in times, and all those other awkward times…. He is all that… So what is your house made of today?