Unsharp Knives, crinkled paper and a broken heart….

ByKathy Stephens

Unsharp Knives, crinkled paper and a broken heart….
My heart has been swelling up a lot lately.. Truth is i’ve been about to explode into tears. The continued hurt of losing the other half of my heart seems like a wart that keeps recurring . It just won’t go away and some days the only thing you can do is try to cover it up.
My pastor preached a sermon Sunday about what truly matters in your life. He ask some hard questions.
1. What Moves you to action?
2. What things bring you to tears? As in those you would cry over.
3. What do you dream about? What keeps you up at night?
4. When’s the last time you did anything for the 1st time?
5. What one thing could you add to your life every single day to enrich it?
Good questions to ask yourself?
This past week I picked up a couple of little toys for the twins. Little rubber animals that you can put a ball in their mouth and then squeeze their stomach and the ball shoots across the room. It was really fun watching them do that over and over and YES it allowed me to sit down alittle bit and rest . HAHA THEN all the sudden Isla came up with this serious look on her little face and said, “YAYA my ball is missing.” I said, “well where do you think it went baby?” she knelt down in front of the armor in my living room and said, “I think it went under here.” OH REALLY? She stretched her little arms as hard as she could and couldn’t reach it. Oh how she wanted that ball back. SO YAYA got up and got down on my hands and knees and stuck her arm under there. Had to end up getting a broom handle to get it out but with the ball came a couple of other things. Imagine that. HAHA a hair clip and a ball made out of crinkled up paper. At first I thought what is this? then like a wave… emotions ran through my body. Memories took over. I thought “oh my, this has been under there since the last time Dennis played with Ki-Ki ( our cat). I just began to cry. I could see him sitting on the floor batting that piece of crinkled paper back and forth with her. OH YES , It’s the little things.
Then the next day I was making chicken salad for a baby shower and in the middle of cutting up veggies I thought, “What is wrong with this knife.. it’s so dull.” OH YEAH, Dennis always kept my knives sharpened. They have not been sharpened in awhile. Another jolt in my chest. OH YES, it’s the little things.
QUESTION: Do you ever find yourself worn out from the same ole fight? The same ole hurt? The same ole problem? You know the one thats taking your breath away and seems to keep breaking your heart…. Changing your life day by day.

 
QUESTION: Could you use some TLC? When’s the last time someone just put their arms around you and held you and never spoke a word but that simple act let you know that EVERYTHING was going to be okay.
QUESTION: How many time have you put those hiking boots on just to try to reach the top of the mountain again?? You think if only I can get to the top I will find peace, get some rest and my heart will beat normal again.How long before the mountain becomes just a HILL? And how long does it take for the HILL to just become a pathway?
QUESTION: How long before all the things ( memories) that were in your life become the very things that THRUST you forward in life.?
Grief isn’t 5 steps…. 5 phases….. 5 anything. IT’s a place where you stand still, quieten your soul and gasp for air while the world goes on around you. Somewhere along the journey you say, “so God, what am I going to do with the rest of my life?”
I have ask that question many times since losing Dennis… Somewhere along the way I turned it into a prayer. “what God, tell me Lord, What?” Yes, in a LOUD VOICE…
Grief is WORK, you have to diligently seek the path PAST IT. See if things haven’t turned out like you think they should in your life the first thing you need to know, and CLAIM, is that GOD never changed HIS plan for your life. He doesn’t un-equip you for the job he put in your “plan” book years ago. He doesn’t take away your gifts because of a broken heart. I know you might be saying right now, “what plan, this doesn’t feel like a plan.”
He grows us in the brokenness. Just reach in and grab ahold of your heart and hand it over to HIM. Keep maneuvering life and allow GOD to keep walking life out with you.


Psalms 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds. Bandages come through friends, their prayers, God’s word, a hug, a spoken word. He just keeps them coming if you will let HIM.
Cherish those in your life that make you better.

DO YOU NEED TO BE RESCUED?

ByKathy Stephens

Three years ago I took in a DOG. On my way to get a massage that cold snowy night she came out of no where. She was staring at me with those beautiful GOLD EYES. I rubbed her head and went on inside for my massage and deep down I was saying “lord please don’t let that dog be there when I come out.”
Spent an hour on the massage table and as we finished up and we walked to my car she was GONE. OR so we thought…. ALL the sudden here she came out of the dark from an old building, wagging her tail and almost talking to us with those beautiful gold eyes. I got a flash light and we went inside the building to see if maybe there was puppies or something but NO, NOTHING. Just a place under an OLD desk that she had sorta made for herself.
She was super friendly and my massage girl and I started saying to each other ” WELL we can’t leave her here.” IT was freezing. One of those RARE OCCASIONS when we actually get snow in Mississippi.
She called her husband and he said NO, NO, NO. SO we walked back out to my car, I opened the hatch back and I said, “come on girl your going home with me.” NOTE: One of my bad traits in case you don’t know is doing things and saying things BEFORE I THINK.
She came home with me that night and slept in my laundry room. She was housebroken, so dang sweet and very loving. Her eyes seemed to get even more gold as the days went by. Dennis wasn’t surprised when I showed up with her that night. He was like, “baby we can’t keep this dog”. Knowing in his heart… we were keeping the DOG. haha
Long story short, “GOLDIE” was pregnant. SOOOOO about 5 weeks after bringing her home she had 8 beautiful puppies. I raised them for about 6 weeks and then began to find them all great homes. GOLDIE went to live with an older guy out of meridian. He too was alone and needed some company.
When this came up on my memory page today my heart jumped for JOY. I would rescue HER all over again.
{POINT OF SHARING THIS WITH YOU ) It made me think about how CHRIST has rescued us. How he took us in and fed us and gave us his living water. How He keeps us warm with HIS word, engrafts us with a heart for others and takes away (removes) our pain.
Sometimes we seem HOPELESS… Just like Goldie that night. Held up in a cold , wet old building. Sometimes we are held up by LIES of this life. I’m not enough…. No one loves me…. I don’t fit in….. I”M ALONE…..
Are you feeling HOPELESS today? IF so turn to HIM. Allow Christ to RESCUE YOU. Give your heart and your life to HIM. What a better time to REST IN HIM…….
Psalms 37: 40 “The Lord helps them, rescuing them from the wicked. He saves them, and they find shelter in HIM.”

Seed and Rain…..

ByKathy Stephens

SEED AND RAIN….. Have you thought about your WORD lately? Many times over the years i’ve talked about a word from GOD. I”ve usually begin to pray about JULY for a “WORD” from God for the next year. I don’t do New Years resolutions. It’s not that daily word but THAT WORD. the one that helps to guide you and give you insight for the coming year. You know they say that hindsight is 20/20. I can say that over the last few years that has been so true. Redeemed was my word about 4 years ago and that was a turning point in my walk with GOD that year. I found myself in HIS word more, thinking upon HIS will for my life more and reaching out to others more. Then the year following my word was SIMPLIFY. Honestly i’ve talked before about how I thought that word made no sense. Then God proved me wrong. Lost my eye sight in one eye which led to losing my job , then lost my husband 10 months later, Life doesn’t get much simpler than that. THEN for the last 2 years my word has been FLY. AS many of you know that came from a very personal encounter with GOD shortly after Dennis died.
I attended a yoga retreat about two weeks ago and the truth is GOD gave me some things to ponder over as my “take away”. Those things are requiring me to TAKE ACTION. Something that has been hard for me since Dennis died truthfully. I”ve found myself in a cocoon just trying to breathe, trying to stay still so I wouldn’t draw attention to myself, get hurt further and inside that cocoon I’ve been LISTENING and waiting on the LORD as HE was repairing my heart. AM i there yet, NOT completely. Truth is I don’t think we are EVER really there on this side of HEAVEN. What I DO know now about GRIEF is that there really aren’t 5 steps and it is over and when people say “your strong”, “Your going to be fine”, they themselves have NEVER LOST anyone that changed their life.
GRIEF is a life changer a different kind of way. IT’s not just about losing the one you love, but it moves you into a place where you no longer HAVE that person WHO LOVED YOU. Can you imagine NOT being LOVED by someone? It changes everything. How people treat you, what your included in moving forward, and so much more that I won’t even begin to list here. BUT the GOOD NEWS is that GRIEF is a teacher of many things as well. Along with the pain and the hurt comes MUCH LOVE and understanding from GOD. You find yourself in a place of truly seeking what PEACE REALLY IS.
This is a LONG LONG way around the block to tell you that I’M WORKING ON A PLACE. A building that I’ve had my eye on for over two years. You probably ride by it many times a week if your from my neck of the woods and have watched it deteriorate for a long time BUT even in that there is LIFE. Like myself over these last 28 months I felt at times that I wasn’t going to be okay again. I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to actually purpose my heart towards something. This place just needs some TLC. TENDER LOVING CARE. Don’t we all. I’m excited for the first time in a long time about the future. I Can’t wait to see all the things GOD is going to do there. I”ve already dedicated it to HIM.
The day I was to close on the new/old place ( building) a dear friend of mine and I went to “pray over this building”. As we laid our hands to it and we released the words of prayer it began to rain. Not a hard rain but a shower of “blessings”. (I’m talking about a out of no where kind of shower where the sun was still shining kind of thing) I’ve always had this thing about rain. I truly do believe that in that moment it was a sign from GOD that He was reassuring me to trust HIM and to measure me that HE is planting a seed. His word says, “I’m doing a NEW thing” . It felt so good, it was so cool on that hot morning. I love the way GOD continues to guide us in such subtle ways. ALL IS IN HIS TIMING.
I’m so thankful that I’m just a small little seed who GOD can continue to cultivate and hopefully use to help others. One day soon the doors will open and I hope you will be there. I hope that you will SEEK HIM as I SEEK HIM for better health and wholeness. ( mind, body and spirit)