Happy Mother’s Day to the special women in my life…

ByKathy Stephens

13151808_10153999491085590_6154227138766503294_nTo the Women in my Life who have helped make me who I am … Past and Present… Happy Mother’s Day…
Most of the really important women in my life have come and gone…. Gone as in clicked their heels and went to their forever HOME. Heaven…. Praise the Lord. !!
My Mother: sassy, loved people, was opinionated, a great conversationalist, loved red lipstick and was the life of the party. We loved each other so very much but we could tangle up like cats and dogs. haha
My Grandmother (mamma): Godly, trustworthy, great cook, always happy, loved the outdoors, I spent most of my summers with her. She had a lot of sayings… Don’t let the sun go down on your anger, always say i’m sorry first, Don’t talk so much. Some of those didn’t stick. (ha)
My Mother n law: (Helen) Kind, Gentle, God Fearing, Godly wife, encouraging, loved to quilt and was patient. She also complained that I cooked with too much garlic. haha OUR JOKE.
My Sister ( Nancy): Genuine, an achiever, always supportive, Loved the Lord, Loved her family and never said a bad word about anyone. The last person I talked to almost every night before going to bed.
MISS THAT.
All these women loved me unconditionally. They loved me when I probably wasn’t so lovable. They taught me about LIFE. Things about the challenges of life, things about the happiest moments of life, how to be courageous through the loss of your love, the battle with cancer, and finding yourself with dementia. They had a good ride to the very end.
The other special woman in my life is still living. She is the wife to my son, the mother to my grandchildren and my friend. I love her like a daughter. She is brave, smart, loves her family, adventurous, caring and her name is Erica. Erica Ann as her mother would say. ha Very soon she and my son will be married 7 years. She is perfect for Him. I’ve watched her live with Diabetes, be the recipient of a kidney and pancreas and just recently watched her fight for her life due to a fungus in her lungs. The very fact that she is here is proof that GOD has, and still does have a plan for her life. A very specific plan.
and TO ALL the trusted friends who have loved me through life, supported me through thick and thin I love you…… I couldn’t do it without each of YOU….

HOPE REIGNS…..

ByKathy Stephens

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Well, I survived the one-year mark of Dennis’ home going. Truth is I don’t even know where this past year has gone. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of this week were spent backtracking the events that led up to his death. I didn’t plan it that way but I found myself continually looking at my watch and thinking back as to where I was and what I was doing during that almost 3 day ordeal. It was like watching an old movie clip. This movie clip left me broken hearted. At some point I remember thinking, “He is really not coming home!” There is no way to explain to anyone the pain and emotional deficient from this kind of sudden loss.

I woke up Thursday Morning and I lay in my bed and just thanked God for a new day. I thanked him for holding me up over these past 12 months. I thanked Him for all the people he put in my life to act as His hands and feet. Those who sat and listened as I talked and cried, those who gave me hugs when I needed them, those who sent cards long after the funeral and those who have continually prayed for my strength and peace. I’ve learned that true friends are your friends even when it doesn’t look pretty.

There is a verse in 1Peter 5:10 that says, “But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered awhile, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.” Those are beautiful words to fill a broken heart. I love the part of that verse that mentions strengthen and settle you. Those were both things that I began to pray for early on. I found very quickly as I’ve mentioned before the only way you survive this kind of loss and pain is to depend solely on HIM.

Some days you literally beg to just breathe. You try to get to a place where the breeze can rush across your face and you can slow your heart rate down. You hope that soon, you can feel your arms and legs again.

I told someone the other day this has been the worst year of my life BUT in many ways, it had been the best. “How could that be”? You might ask. I’ve learned so much more about GOD and His word and I’ve learned so much more about myself. Things I needed to know and some things that hurt to know. It’s almost been like being able to see inside my life from the outside looking in and see how God went before me in this tragedy. The trips Dennis and I took two months before, the intimate conversations we had, the things he shared with me a week before he left going back to work, that day at the airport when he called me back and said with such intention, “Baby, always remember how much I Love You. “ Never in 23 years of taking him to the airport had he ever done that. Usually it was a quick kiss and “I’ll see in a few” as he was walking off. Those were the last words I ever heard him speak.

I use to tell people I trusted God but truth is until I lost Dennis I really didn’t understand the full meaning of that. Trusting God completely means having faith that he knows what is best for your life, expecting him to keep his promises, knowing that He will help you with your problems and that He can and will do the impossible when necessary. Have you ever really trusted GOD like that?

As I have experienced brokenness He has continued to reach in to heal me and as I have felt loneliness He has continued to walk with me. I have written many things through this journey, shared my heart and soul. Some of you I’m sure have thought too much and some have ask for more but I’ve written only as the Holy Spirit has led me to, so I have to believe it’s been just what the “doctor” ordered. I hope that my painful story is becoming a meaningful story.

Nothing really prepares you for the “Battle of Grief” but quickly you realize you must become a Warrior. It takes time…… Days, weeks, months, and sometimes years of training go by BUT then one day you realize that the battle scares exist but they do not define you. You find you have more courage than weakness, more fortitude than fear. You find that you are becoming stronger. As you recede from the battle ground you can still see your shield and sword standing in the corner as a reminder that life is short and you begin to find your days filled with HOPE. Hope is the thread that has held me together. Gazing at the shield and sword you look back on the life you had and begin gazing with hope to the new life before you. You are never the same. You find that you have grown in this HOPE. You’ve found new friends and let go of some old ones. The noise has changed. Life has changed. You have discovered that you are in fact blessed (even in your pain).

Over the past almost three years I began to do some writing again. When my Dad got sick, then my eye ordeal and all that followed I knew that God was slowing me down, molding me and leading me in another direction. Since 2013 I’ve been working on a Blog, an outlet for writing, sharing and encouraging others but never could get settled in my spirit about it completely. I’ve learned through this journey that all things come to fruition in God’s timing. He allowed me to meet this absolutely precious Christian Graphics/Media lady who has spent many hours helping my heart show up in written form. And as an added bonus her last name is Dennis. Yes REALLY… Why was I amazed???

I would like to invite you to sneak on over to www.kathystephens.com and sign up to become a part of my little piece of blog land. I’m excited to see where God is taking HOPE REIGNS.

I hope to see you there as I continue to seek God’s purpose and calling for my life.

Hebrews 6:19 This HOPE we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, and which enters the Presence behind the veil.

26 Degrees… Really?

ByKathy Stephens

blanket of hugsWELL the weather channel says that it’s going to be 26 degrees tonight. That’s cold. I stepped outside alittle bit ago to let my dogs out and got a chill to the bone. Almost immediately I felt my heart sink. I use to do crazy things like stand outside waiting on the DOGS and then run inside freezing cold and stick my hands on Dennis and jump in his lap and say, “warm me up”? He would of course always say, “baby stop it, your hands are freezing.” Boy what I would give to hear those words tonight.

I haven’ t shared this before but this is the blanket I had made out of Dennis’ t-shirts. The blanket is very heavy. When i bought the batting for it the sweet lady that made it said, “oh kathy this batting is so thick.” I said well I want it to last. She laughed and said, “well this blanket will be here long after you are.” I’m so glad .

Tonight I got to get it out and i’ve been sitting under it thinking on my sweet husband. It’s definitely not his sweet arms but it helps in it’s own little way. As I look down on the blanket I see many T-shirts from our travels, his favorite baseball team, work logo’s and there near the center is his “MY WIFE ROCKS” shirt. etc.( yeah i made him wear it ha ha) It is a remembrance of HIM.. RIGHT now I sure could USE one of his HUGS. He had the best.

The first time we ever hugged I felt so safe. It was truly like nothing I’d ever felt before. I use to tell him that that was what Stole my heart. Stole it then and still stealing it NOW.